Gilmer Law Firm, PLLC | Brooklyn Family Law Attorney | Call 718-864-2011 for a Consultation
At Gilmer Law Firm, PLLC, located in Brooklyn, New York, we understand how challenging custody arrangements can become when co-parenting stops working. While many families begin with joint custody agreements—often in the hope of maintaining balance and shared responsibility—those arrangements can fall apart when communication breaks down or one parent becomes less involved.
This blog was written to help you understand what happens when joint custody fails. We’re sharing the stories of three real New York cases in which mothers sought sole legal and residential custody after joint arrangements became damaging to their children. These cases show how courts assess whether a custody change is necessary and what factors they consider when deciding what’s truly in the best interest of the child.
If you’re a parent in Brooklyn or anywhere in New York City struggling with an unworkable custody agreement, call Gilmer Law Firm, PLLC at 718-864-2011. We are here to help you advocate for your rights—and most importantly, your child’s well-being.
Virginia’s Story: When Communication Breaks Down Completely
Virginia and her child’s father were never married, but they had a custody order that required them to share legal and residential custody. Over time, however, they could no longer communicate in a healthy or productive way. All communication happened via text messages, and they were no longer making joint decisions about their child’s care.
Virginia remained the parent involved in her child’s daily life—handling school, medical needs, and emotional support. Eventually, she asked the court to grant her sole custody. While the Family Court initially denied her request, the appeals court took a deeper look and decided that joint custody was no longer in the child’s best interests. The court acknowledged that when parents cannot communicate or cooperate, joint custody becomes harmful instead of helpful. Virginia was awarded sole legal and residential custody, and a new access schedule was created for the father.
Sarah’s Story: Conflict and Hostility Made Joint Custody Impossible
Sarah and her ex-husband had agreed to joint custody after their divorce, but the arrangement quickly became filled with conflict. Every conversation turned into a disagreement, and decision-making was practically impossible. Both parties eventually filed to modify custody, each seeking sole custody.
Despite the conflict, the lower court denied Sarah’s petition. But on appeal, the court acknowledged what had become clear: joint custody only works when both parents can behave respectfully and put the child’s needs above personal conflict. The judges noted that Sarah was more consistently involved in her child’s daily routine and better equipped to provide a stable home environment. The joint custody order was replaced with an award of sole legal and residential custody to Sarah.
Aileen’s Story: Listening to the Children’s Voices
Aileen and her children’s father had never been married, but they shared joint custody under court orders issued in 2019. As the children got older, Aileen noticed the arrangement no longer served them well. She was handling most of their daily responsibilities—managing school, providing emotional support, and making medical decisions.
She asked the court to modify the custody arrangement and give her sole legal and residential custody. The judge denied her petition and even gave the father added flexibility by allowing overnight visits during the school week at his discretion.
Aileen appealed—and this time, the court listened. The children, now 12 and 9, were old enough to express a clear preference to live with their mother. The court found that Aileen had provided more stability and support and was better positioned to make consistent decisions for the children. The prior orders were overturned, and Aileen was awarded sole custody.
Understanding the Law: When and Why Custody Orders Can Be Changed
In New York, courts may modify an existing custody order when two conditions are met:
- There has been a significant change in circumstances, and
- The change is necessary to protect the best interests of the child.
When deciding what’s in the child’s best interests, courts look at several important factors:
- Whether the parents can communicate and make joint decisions
- The emotional and physical needs of the child
- Each parent’s involvement in the child’s daily life
- The stability of each parent’s home environment
- The ability of each parent to foster a relationship with the other parent
- The child’s preferences, especially if the child is mature enough to express them
If parents are no longer able to communicate or cooperate, and if the shared custody arrangement is harming the child or causing instability, the court may award sole custody to the parent who is better able to meet the child’s needs.
What This Means for You
If you’re dealing with a joint custody order that no longer works—or worse, one that’s damaging your child—know that you have options. Courts don’t expect parents to stay locked in outdated arrangements that no longer serve the child’s best interests. You can file a petition to modify the existing custody order and request sole legal and residential custody.
At Gilmer Law Firm, PLLC, we help Brooklyn families protect what matters most. Whether you’re facing a high-conflict co-parenting situation, being denied access to your child, or watching your child struggle with instability, we can help you take the next step.
Call 718-864-2011 today to schedule a consultation. Your child deserves peace, stability, and a future built on support—and we’re here to fight for it with you.
