Divorce lawyers catering to A-list celebrities say the scene has become crazier than ever, with nasty allegations and drawn-out public battles. The same could easily be said of less high-profile couples.
Sure, the elements often leading to the breakdown of a marriage – infidelity, dishonesty, secrecy – have been around a very long time. But the kind of mudslinging that sometimes results from these break-ups is something that can often be avoided with professional legal help. Our Brooklyn uncontested divorce attorneys know that with social media, publicly bashing one’s ex or damaging his or her digital profile has never been easier.
What few stop to consider is that even once you divorce, this person could still be in your life long-term, especially if you have children. That brings us to a core theme we try to drive home in these cases: If you can divorce like adults, not only will it save you time, aggravation and money, you will have an easier time transitioning to your new normal once the ink is dried on the divorce agreement.
Yes, life is going to be different. However, there is an inevitable and cumbersome burden that one carries for a long time after enduring an ugly divorce battle. But if you can work toward ending your marriage well – on a positive note, even – you will find your recovery time greatly expedited.
That’s the central message in a new book by Los Angeles divorce lawyer Laura Wasser, who has represented individuals like Maria Shriver, Ashton Kutcher and Kim Kardashian. The title, “It Doesn’t Have to Be That Way,” sums up the point we try to drive home to our clients.
There is a misconception that divorce is supposed to be messy, that the two of you are supposed to be at odds. However, if you can take a step back, breathe and maybe even separate the emotional from the practical aspects, you may find the process much simpler, less wrenching – and far cheaper.
Wasser offers what we believe is excellent advice for those interested in attempting to pursue a no-contest divorce in New York.
First, understand that your marriage is a contract. Throughout the course of your life, it’s not unheard of that the terms of the contract might change. Accept that almost nothing ever stays the same. When the terms of the contract change, so too does your obligation to honor it.
Accept too that above all else, divorce is a business transaction. Yes, there are emotions involved, but you shouldn’t allow that to fuel your negotiations. Focus instead on what is ultimately going to be fair and best for your long-term emotional health and that of your kids.
A big part of that means keeping your feelings – and the gory details – to yourself. You may want to invest in a therapist if that helps you to work through it. But don’t drag family members, mutual friends, children or Facebook acquaintances into the mix. It only serves to make everyone uncomfortable, you end up looking bad (even if you weren’t in the wrong) and it may even harm your children’s psych in the long-term.
And finally, if you can work through the process as you started the marriage – as part of a team – the outcome will likely be ultimately better for everyone. That could mean coming to an agreement about what assets to split, how to arrange the custody and who should pay for what financial obligations.
Once you’ve come to a place of agreement on some of the most contentious issues, an experienced divorce attorney can review those terms to ensure that both of you are being treated fairly and to help finalize the agreement.
If you are contemplating an uncontested divorce in New York City, call our offices at (718) 864-2011.
Additional Resources:
Power 10: The Secrets of an A-List Divorce Attorney, Sept. 27, 2013, By Julie Earle-Levine, New York Times Magazine
More Blog Entries:
Uncontested Divorce in New York With Children for Lowered Fee of $499, Sept. 24, 2013, Brooklyn Divorce Lawyer Blog