Custody disputes are among the most emotionally difficult experiences for parents—and even more so for children. After more than 20 years of practicing family law in Brooklyn, I have seen how the traditional courtroom process often leaves families emotionally exhausted and children feeling caught in the middle.
Across the country, a new approach is emerging that could transform custody law for the better: child-centered mediation. This model, gaining traction in Florida, focuses on keeping the child’s emotional and developmental needs at the heart of every decision . The same compassionate and structured approach could bring significant benefits to families here in New York.
What Is Child-Centered Mediation?
Child-centered mediation is a process designed to reduce parental conflict and protect children from the trauma of litigation. Unlike standard mediation—which focuses mainly on the parents’ disputes—child-centered mediation includes the child’s perspective in an age-appropriate way.
Florida’s family courts have recently begun emphasizing this approach, allowing mediators to work with trained child consultants or, when suitable, to meet privately with the child. The goal isn’t to make children choose sides, but to help parents understand how their actions, communication, and decisions impact their child’s well-being .
The model operates under a few essential principles:
- Participation is voluntary and age-appropriate.
- The child’s voice informs but doesn’t control the mediation outcome.
- Confidentiality and neutrality protect children from pressure or blame.
This process has led to more durable parenting agreements and greater emotional stability for children whose parents separate.
Why This Model Fits New York’s Custody Philosophy
New York law already prioritizes the best interests of the child in custody matters under the Family Court Act and corresponding case law. Courts routinely appoint an Attorney for the Child (AFC) to ensure that children’s voices are represented in custody disputes.
The AFC’s role, as described in 22 NYCRR §7.2(d), is to advocate for the child’s expressed wishes unless doing so would expose the child to imminent harm (Matter of Mason v. Mason, 103 A.D.3d 1207 [2013]) . This system provides a strong foundation for child-centered mediation in New York, where attorneys and mediators could collaborate to help parents resolve disputes while giving appropriate weight to their child’s perspective.
Child-centered mediation expands on this philosophy by creating a safe environment where parents can hear their child’s concerns—indirectly and sensitively—without involving them directly in the adversarial court process.
Lessons I Learned as an Attorney for the Child
Serving as an Attorney for the Child has given me an invaluable perspective on how children experience family conflict. Representing a child in Family Court requires listening beyond words—understanding emotions, fears, and the subtle ways children express what they need to feel safe.
That experience changed how I view custody disputes. I learned that children value stability, predictability, and reassurance above all else. They want to know that both parents love them and that their lives won’t be defined by conflict.
As a Brooklyn Custody and Child-Centered Mediation Attorney, I draw on that understanding every time I mediate a dispute. I help parents step back from their positions and see the situation through their child’s eyes, focusing on what arrangement will support the child’s emotional health and development long-term.
Ethics and the Child’s Voice
The New York Rules of Professional Conduct guide how attorneys handle matters involving minors. Under Rule 1.14, lawyers must maintain as normal a relationship as possible with a client who has diminished capacity—like a child—while taking protective action when necessary .
The same principles apply in mediation: the child’s voice must be heard respectfully, and their privacy safeguarded. Confidentiality is central to this process (Rule 1.6) , as is avoiding communication with represented minors without consent (Rule 4.2) .
In Campolongo v. Campolongo, 2 A.D.3d 476 (2003), the court emphasized that bypassing the child’s attorney during interviews violated the child’s due process rights . This ruling highlights why trained legal professionals, who understand a child’s rights and emotional vulnerability, are uniquely suited to mediate these delicate family situations.
By combining mediation skills with an attorney’s ethical training and understanding of children’s developmental needs, we can create a process that truly serves the child’s best interests.
How Child-Centered Mediation Differs from Traditional Custody Mediation
Traditional custody mediation tends to center on resolving parents’ competing goals—decision-making authority, visitation schedules, and holidays.
Child-centered mediation, by contrast, focuses on shared goals: ensuring the child’s security, stability, and emotional health.
Key Features Include:
- Neutral Facilitation – The mediator keeps the focus on the child’s needs, not parental grievances.
- Child-Informed Insight – A child’s thoughts and experiences help guide parents toward a fair, balanced plan.
- Voluntary Participation – Parents choose mediation, allowing for creative solutions outside courtroom limitations.
- Confidentiality and Compassion – The process protects the family’s privacy and the child’s emotional safety.
In Florida’s model, for instance, mediators may invite a child to express their feelings in a safe, age-appropriate setting—through art, play, or conversation—without exposing them to litigation stress .
New York could easily adapt this framework through its existing Community Dispute Resolution Centers (CDRCs), which already handle family mediation.
The Benefits of Child-Centered Mediation
- Less Conflict: Parents communicate directly in a structured environment, reducing hostility.
- Focus on the Child: Every discussion returns to what arrangement best supports the child’s growth and happiness.
- Emotional Safety: Children are shielded from court appearances and adult arguments.
- Long-Term Stability: Agreements made collaboratively tend to last longer and need fewer modifications.
- Cost and Time Savings: Mediation resolves disputes faster and more affordably than litigation.
As the court in Matter of Aquino v. Antongiorgi (92 A.D.3d 780 [2012]) noted, custody determinations must have a “sound and substantial basis in the record” and align with the child’s best interests . Mediation provides that foundation by generating thoughtful, documented agreements crafted around the child’s needs.
Why Mediation Led by Experienced Custody Attorneys Is Different
As a Brooklyn Custody and Child-Centered Mediation Attorney, I’ve spent over two decades helping families navigate complex custody matters in Family Court. I understand the legal nuances, but I also appreciate the emotional weight these cases carry.
My work as an Attorney for the Child taught me how children interpret conflict and what they need to feel secure. That insight shapes my mediation practice today. I help parents move beyond legal positions and toward empathy—so that every parenting agreement reflects not only fairness but compassion.
This dual perspective—legal and emotional—sets attorney-mediators apart. We understand both the procedural requirements of custody law and the developmental needs of children.
Why New York Should Embrace Child-Centered Mediation
Florida’s adoption of child-centered mediation demonstrates that this model works. It gives children a voice without exposing them to courtroom stress, empowers parents to cooperate, and reduces repeat litigation .
New York has the legal framework and professional resources to adopt a similar approach.
Attorneys familiar with representing children—like those who have served as AFCs—can bring valuable perspective to mediation. They understand the delicate balance between honoring a child’s voice and protecting them from the burden of adult decision-making.
By integrating this approach into New York’s custody system, we can help families resolve disputes more humanely and effectively.
The Gilmer Law Firm, PLLC: Compassionate Custody Resolution
At The Gilmer Law Firm, PLLC, our philosophy is simple: custody decisions should protect a child’s emotional and physical well-being above all else.
Our firm combines decades of legal experience with a compassionate, practical understanding of family dynamics.
We help parents:
- Mediate custody disputes with empathy and structure.
- Develop parenting plans tailored to their child’s developmental needs.
- Avoid unnecessary litigation through communication and compromise.
- Ensure every agreement is centered on the child’s best interests.
Conclusion
Florida’s success with child-centered mediation shows that family law can evolve to better protect children. New York is ready for the same change.
As a Brooklyn Custody and Child-Centered Mediation Attorney, I use my years of experience in family law—and the insight I gained as an Attorney for the Child—to guide parents toward peace and understanding. My goal is to help families resolve conflict without sacrificing what matters most: their child’s happiness and stability.
Call The Gilmer Law Firm, PLLC at (718) 864-2011 or visit gilmerlegal.com to learn how child-centered mediation can bring calm and cooperation back to your family.
